i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
you never un-have a 4some
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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