Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
