Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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