It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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