So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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