; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
