she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
