We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
