I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
