I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
