I wish I only lived at night.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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