I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
