you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
