im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
