Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
