Porn is love you can see.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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