I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
