So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
