haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
