I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
