Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
