Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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