You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
