Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
