we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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