found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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