We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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