i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
areolas are like halos for boobs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
