you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
