i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
