I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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