his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
