Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
