Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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