i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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