Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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