I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
