I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize