I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
