Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
