Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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