You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
