after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
