he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
