dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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