I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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