dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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