I can text with my tongue
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
