Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
