My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
