Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
