your parents love me but you hate me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
