3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
