just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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