the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I think I just sharted jello shots
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize