how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
