Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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