great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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