We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just had sex on a roof
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
