Kiss
Puke
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
