please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
