They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
NoShamevember. You game?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
