Screwed.edu
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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