I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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