Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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