You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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