is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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