Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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